Mood:  quizzical

Yesterday was an interesting day. Work went well got home at a decent time. Sat around the house pretending I had somthing to do lol. I just layed down to go to sleep and I realized somthing. I am a very boring person. I have a tendancy to not care about things I should and care about things I shouldn't. I bitch to myself constantly about the situations I am in but don't fix them. I worry too much about what others think of me to even pay any attention to what I think of myself. I have a good job that I love and hate at the same time. I have people in my life I thought were friends and then people who thought I was a friend. I realize that I wallow in self pitty more offten then not because I like looking at all my friends from the bottom of a well that I dug on my own. Life has not been anything I can not handle or I would have given up already. I chose my actions based on feelings rather than logic. And instead of thinking about my emotions and controling them I let them control me.

I want for everything in life to be perfect. Yet I know that it is not an never will be. I want to be perfect (perfect for someone, perfect for myself, perfect for my job, perfect for my family, perfect for my friends) yet I don't take the time to look at what perfect really is. Is it really how I am perceieved as me or what others see me as? Deep down I know the answere and one day it will come to me. One day I will know exactly what makes me perfect. I know all my flaws and I know what they have done to me and done to others. I'm not proud of myself at the moment. I'm sick of how I have been acting. I'm sick of the way I treat people (friends or not) I'm sick of me. I'm not bashing on myself to get pitty I'm not writting this for sympathy or empathy even. I'm just writting it to make it true to me in my own eyes. I'm not good with words when I need to speak them so I let my fingers do the talking.

 That was posted on my myspace blog but I felt I needed to add just a bit more to it.

A friend had commented on my blog. Stating that if what i cared about was important to me that should be enough. I understand that and yes it is enough. But the one thing with this is the things that I shouldnt worry about or even care that happen. I stress so much over that I tear myself up over it.

 Perfection is in the flaws of another person. Im not talking about comparing myself to someone els. Im talking about the reasons why I think someone els is perfect. Their flaws make them unique in the sence that they are not like anyone els and that in it self is pure perfection. I have not been around all that long. I have never sat and thought about perfection at all. Everyone's perception of perfect is different. Something that I make think is perfect you may think is flawed and vise versa.

I believe I am in the perfect job for me. Now does that mean that my job itself is perfect? No it is not. It has its ups and downs and things that make me want to quit but it is still the longest job i have ever stayed at. I have been working for the same company for 4 years. There are days that I look forward to being at work. I look forward to the people that I work with and I care about each and everyone of them. Then there are days that I just cant stand being there and I just want to quit. But the job is perfect for me in the fact that the good days out weigh the bad.

I know that this is just rambling and is somthing that not meny people would want to read or listen to but think about it. What does perfect mean to you? Do you see the perfect flaws in others or do you only see the flaws?